ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
