I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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