I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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