remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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