3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
