i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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