I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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