Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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