He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
