New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
