roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
