good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
