Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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