I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize