May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
