I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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