I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
