she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Randomize
