just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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