WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
