I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Watching her eat just hurts me
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
