This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
