Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
