i don't plan on having that self control this summer
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
