you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
