just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's always time for handjobs
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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