I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
