We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
