btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize