Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
