8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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