her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
