I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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