i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize