you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
