dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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