i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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