I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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