if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
