census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
