I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
