last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My feet surprised me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
