I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
