broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
