please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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