just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
