So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
