I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
