i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
