You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
