Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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