you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
