I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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