I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
