Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
