how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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