I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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