Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
