Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
