Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
