i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
