shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
