oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
