I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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