haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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