Tell her she can't have a vagina
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
