Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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