I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
