I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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