I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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