dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
