So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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