I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
